CRANBROOK, 7 May 2008 — I am sitting here, crossed legged and hunched over my laptop inside my small gray tent, typing by the illumination from the computer monitor. Surrounding me are RV trailers and pickup tricks. Welcome to Cranbrook, B.C. and the Mount Baker RV Park.

Right now, I do not know where I am going; except that I will get there by car and I hope to cross over into Alberta soon. I don’t know where I’m sleeping tomorrow night, whether I’ll get to shower or not, or buy a hot meal or cook from my reserves. I have no idea what I’m doing.

I have never felt this amount of self doubt before. But as much as I am afraid and homesick and wanting the safety of a routine and purpose, I am strangely drawn to this. Maybe this is the way travelling without a plan — wandering — is supposed to be. The highs of a strange discovery and new experience make my very core want to scream in happiness, and the lows of loneliness and crushing self confidence make me want to cry and turn back for home.

It has not helped that what little plans I have made so far have almost all gone awry. Many campsites along the Crowsnest Highway in B.C. are still closed in early May, The weather hasn’t always cooperated, and it is still damn cold at night.

But the rewards make it worthwhile. I have felt the cool breeze blow up from the darkness of an abandoned mine. I have driven around twisting highways, dropping into small communities at the mountain’s bottom and then driven up and out again. I watched a herd of deer grazing along B.C.’s ranchlands. And I saw the Canadian Rockies for the first time through breaking storm clouds.

Now, I’m waiting, maybe for the weather to change or a new day to break or my courage to return, before I cross that threshold by Crowsnest Pass and explore the land beyond.